Anger

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." - Yoda

Ask any of my real friends and family and they will tell you that I don't get upset easy. I am pretty laid back about most things. But they will tell you that when I get upset its never a good thing. I will say a lot of things I do not mean. I can be violent and I will run my mouth.

Recently, I have had a lot of things go wrong for me. It has lead to a lot of feelings. Most of which end with me in a shitty mood or lack of sleep. The lack of sleep will also eventually lead to a shitty mood.

We all make dumb mistakes. I don't get drunk and do it. I do it after life has beaten me down. So just know I never mean any of it and always feel horrible about it after its over with...

I try to be a good guy all of the time. Sometimes that's not possible...

Hmm... The things you learn

"All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once. Am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed." — The Joker to Batman

I did have a bad day. I have had a shitty week to be exact. In the span of seven days I have lost my kitty and my girlfriend. I did not get the job I wanted. Not because I needed a different job but because I need Medical and Dental Ins. Which goes well with my calf strain and shoulder issues.

But yesterday was a pretty good wake up call. Shitty day turned into shitty evening. Softball was wretched and the drive home was worse. A blown tire in the ghetto* is not the best thing in the world after the day I had. I was ready to just give up.

My brain would have been happy to shutdown. It didn't though. I just got up and did what I had to do because that is what I do.

Life will go on. It won't stop because I have a bad day or week or year or month. Good things have happened and I wouldn't lose those for anything. Bad things come and go.

I know I am not perfect. And when I am angry or hurt I lash out. It happens to me and I know it happens to others. I'll try to make amends with those I have offended. I know I have already tried.

Oh well. Maybe they aren't ready yet to know I only want the best for them

But as you can see... The Joker was wrong about me.


*Horrible traffic jam on 95 on the way home. My GPS is a dick and sent me in the middle of shit town.

Why? Why? Why?

I lost my baby, Zoey, today. She was taken way before her time. My heart is broken.

Yes, she was a cat. But to me she was more then just a cat. She was one of the most important members of my family. Look at your family and just imagine how you would feel if you woke up one morning and they were laying there lifeless and there was nothing you could do. That's how I am feeling today. Anyone that truly knows me knows this is true.

I got her when she was just a small ball of fluff. She had just gotten fixed and had a little boo boo on her belly. Well I'd kiss it and eventually she'd learn to roll over just so I'd kiss her belly. I still did that, I did it yesterday when I got home from work.

She was so special to me. And I was special to her. When I was married my wife at the time would tell me how when I went to softball Zoey would sit at the top of the steps and just sigh until I got home and she'd perk up and be so happy when I called her name. We played our version of fetch. I'd throw a fuzzy ball, which was her favorite toy, and she'd bring it back to me and make a little couch sound for me to do it again. We'd do it for hours until she got tired of running up and down the steps and she'd lay next to me.

When I was sick she'd stay by my side. When my wife asked me to leave she laid with me while I cried. When I felt I couldn't go on anymore I looked in her face (also Brat's and Buffy's) and knew I had to keep going for them. They counted on me and as their 'Daddy' I wasn't going to let them down.

Life went on and I think recently I was finally giving them a good home. I thought things were going right for us. I was planning my families future with our well being in mind.

Now I am without my baby and I am crushed. I won't be very personable for awhile. Maybe when I get her ashes back next Monday.

I love you so much baby and I miss you. I hope you know that Zoey. I will see you again someday.

The Quest for 20.

One of these upcoming weekends my girlfriend is going out of town. So i was thinking of getting a group of us together to play a game together.

World of Warcraft is free to play to level 20. It can be done solo in a weekend. So I figure a bunch of people playing online would be a fun time. We can all meet up or just play from home. Or a combination of both!

If interested let me know. The more the merrier!

You will have to download the game beforehand because it takes awhile.

Softball: My Thoughts and Strategy

This is the sentence I have heard a lot over the years playing softball:

"I want to hit."

Seems to be a popular statement when it comes to softball or baseball. No one made the MLB Hall of Fame for having the most walks. HRs, RBIs and all of those sexy stats make other people say wow. But "I want to hit" is not what goes on in my mind. 

I think "I want to win."

I think everyone has more fun when we win. You can go 0-3 with 2 errors and still get a smile on your face if you beat the other team. Then you get a team feeling going where you don't want to disappoint the rest of your team. Team morale!

Now how do you win? In sports its about scoring the most 'points' unless you are talking about Golf. But Golf is not a sport (its a game!) because there is no one defending the hole and no real chance of major injury. But back to the game at hand. Softball is all about scoring runs. 

What makes scoring runs possible? Having people on base. The more base runners you get, the more chances of scoring runs. How do you get base runners in softball? Hit or walk!

My Thoughts on Hitting: 

Seems easy enough. See the ball and hit it. Of course its not that easy. If it was then it wouldn't be worth doing. 

I go to the plate with one thing in mind: Get on.

I have 9+ other guys who will bat too. I don't need to be a hero and try and hit a 20-Run Home Run. I just need to get on. 1 base. That is it. Getting on 1st base and then seeing what happens next.

Once I get in the box I say my greetings and prepare for my At Bat. I have one area I am looking for the ball. Usually on the outside part of the plate so I can take it down the line. 

The pitcher then pitches the ball and then it begins. My mind takes in where the defense is, where the ball is headed and if its a pitch I want to hit. 

If it is not where I want it I let it pass. The Ump can call ball or strike. As long as there is not 2 strikes on me I do not have to swing. Just because a ball is a strike it doesn't mean I have to hit it. I'd rather take a strike then make a fly ball out. I can see at least 2 pitches per at bat.

If a pitch is where I want it I will swing. The defense decides how hard I swing. If they are playing back in the OF I will try just poke one over the 1st or 2nd baseman's head. If the OF is playing closer I will swing hard. 60+% of the time I get a hit. Unless its co-ed then its more like 70+% of the time. I'm not bragging. Its just the truth to what I do. 

If I never get a pitch I like then I will take the walk. A walk is easy for everyone. Put the bat down and go to first. 

Base Running:

Know the situation. Most of these are easy to figure out. Watch the ball. You will know when to stop. I hit the ball to RF so I see the ball pretty much my whole time up to 1st base. I know if I should run hard or jog to first. No point in hurting myself when I know I can't get more then 1st.

There are times when I can be over-aggressive. I can also not be very aggressive at times too. I know what I can and can't do. I also know what my teammates can do.

If I am on 2nd or 3rd and there are less then 2 outs I will tag up on a fly ball out. On a fly ball with less then 2 outs being at 3B there is no point in being off the bag. If it hits the ground, I score. If its caught, I score. Its easy.

Line Up:

Its softball. You can't steal bases. And most importantly, you can't steal first. The lead off hitter has to get on base a lot. Doesn't matter how. Also just think about it when you write the line up. Do you need a fast person at the top when you have a slow person batting last?

So the lead off hitter is the player that gets on. Whats the #2 hitter?

For me the #2 hitter is just the next best OB%.

The #3 hitter is the best overall hitter. One of the best OB% and able to get an extra base hit to put a run on the board doesn't hurt.

#4 is supposedly the Power position. But I don't like the HR in softball. It kills scoring more then it helps. Hitting is contagious. More runners on means the other teams defense has to work harder. So many moving parts. After a homer it seems like they have little left to worry about. And the next hitter is still admiring that HR in their mind. Soon enough the 4 run rally is over and the inning is done soon after. I'd rather single and walk them to death.

I am going to skip the middle of the line up hitters. The end of the line up is my next focus. You can't have the slowest at the bottom. It just clogs it up for the top of the order. What I like is a good OB% and speed player. Why? It gives the line up a nice symmetry. Gives the line up a nice turn around.

The rest of the line up goes by the best OB% + Power potential in the middle.

To Sum Up:

Hits + Walks = Base Runners
Base Runners = More Chances to Score
More Scoring = Winning

Winning = Me Happy : )

The Death of my 1st MMO

A little history...

On February 11th 2003, the day after my 26th birthday, I went to Gamestop and picked up my first MMO. It was a game for the PS2 called: Everquest Online Adventures. I also bought a USB keyboard for my PS2.

For years I had heard about Everquest and was looking forward to getting to play one finally. And the fact it was on a console was a big deal to me. No need to upgrade my computer. Just plug in the phone cord (yeah it was old) and play.

I logged on and created my Human Warrior, DravenX. He wandered the city of Freeport randomly picking up quests and roaming the nearby dessert. Being a total Newb (which is how it was spelled at the time) I leveled up all aspects of my character evenly. Making him totally worthless but I didn't care. I had fun. Before grinding and all the boring stuff, I adventured!

With a few crappy swords and a can do attitude I was easily killed many times. But I did not care. I had fun. Exploring deep into the dessert I came upon Gargantula! A giant spider.

I died.

But I made some friends. We joked and had fun. 15 of us lowly characters attacked the Gargantula and defeated her easily. We got cocky since she was Red (higher level) to us. We went in search of bigger game.

We died. Apparently even an army of lvl 2 or 3 characters can't kill a lvl 30.

We had a good first day.

The next day we decided to find all the cities so we could just coach to the different places. I always enjoy exploring. We found many places. We lost a few along the way. Some by accident (apparently there were sharks in the ocean) and some on purpose (3 different 8 - 10 year olds trying to pull every enemy we snuck by).

Time went by and things changed. A few of my group switched servers and asked me to join them. So of course I did.

I soon bought my own house closer to my work. So I of course got my own set up for gaming.

In EQOA I made a Paladin and worked hard with him. Is it odd to name a man of pure good Forsakn? Yeah, but screw it. He was my character. I was not one of the 1st to hit 60. But I wasn't trying. I just enjoyed exploring still. I think my favorite area until they made it more important was an underground area full of Driders. The Spider Men were fun to kill. They rarely dropped anything good. But I made good xp and loot just soloing.

I eventually made an Elven Mage I named Dimitrius. Soon after I was laid off of work. Getting badly depressed I played EQOA 80 hours a week. It kept me sane. My Mage was pretty much always on. I let my pet kill for me while I was sleeping. It wasn't a lot of XP but it was better then 0.

Time seemed to fly by. I think I listened to the same 3 CDs and watched the 1st season of Family Guy like 100 times while playing the game (2 TV set up). I had upgraded my Paladin to a Crusader. Either being the 1st or 2nd crusader on the server. I also made my Mage into a Geomancer (Earth Pet).

Everntually life took its toll and I lost interest in the game. Went back to work. Hung out with friends more and eventually got married. I eventually decided to laydown my Sword. So I said my goodbyes to the many friends I had made. Being there from the beginning it was kind of a sad day. I talked to a few through AIM but like everything else in life we lost touch.

I hoped someday that EQOA would get a PS3 upgrade and I'd go back. That never happened.

On March 29th 2012, as the sunset over Norrath, the servers for EQOA were shutdown. From what I heard the last month was free to play and they set up a spectacular final battle against some dragon. I hope it went well.

I will always remember my time on EQOA with a smile. They let me be a mighty Paladin in something other then my imagination. I commanded the elements and met some good people along the way.

FML? Seriously? Get over yourself...

The other day I was playing on Facebook and watching FOX NEWS. As I was reading FB I saw someone had a bad day at work. They finished the post with FML. On the news I was seeing a body was found in the woods.  

I got a bit angry. Someone has a bad day but has pretty much everything else going for them and they think to themselves Fuck My Life. You know what? Get over it. Shit happens but it could be fuckin' worse.

You know who should be thinking FML?

- The parents of Levi Aron.
- The people of Japan who lost everything including their family and friends.
- The troops who go out there everyday and risk their lives.

I could go through plenty more but I hope you get my point.

Shit happens but it could be worse. Remember to be grateful for what you do have. Think FML to yourself and if you have to write a post about how your life is so bad end it with CBW (could be worse) because you will not get pity from me.


I was actually going to really go off on Friday. But after cooling off a bit I thought this would be better.